Monday, January 23, 2012

Liquids woohoo

Starts today, gross *drinks protein shake*. I'm getting a fill on Thursday, so I am doing (mostly) liquids till then, I'm going to have a small lunch, mainly to keep up appearances at work, and so I don't go completely insane haha. Hopefully this will get my brain in the right spot.

I set up inspirational reminders on my iPhone to beep every few hours, nerdy, but I think it will help me :)

I read something the other day, from some doctor online and  it say the goal of the lapband is to see how little food you can eat, not how much food you can eat. That makes sense, you can make it a game! That might work for me. I mean I'm definitely less hungry so I should be able to get by with less. I see so many people posting "but I can still eat x amount, why?" well yea, because it's not gonna stop you from eating, it has a hole in it haha. Don't try. Hell, I know all the junk I eat, it definitely doesn't stop me from eating. Sure, like yesterday I ate WAY to much, and it feels like $hit, but I can still do it. I think my fill will scare me enough to start being careful again. At least I hope! I've never had any issues with my band, maybe it will become a little more restrictive...

Well, cheer me on people! I need it!


Monday, January 2, 2012

Hey Everyone!

Phew, it's been a while.  Obviously because I've been eating crap for 6 months.  :-|. I feel pretty crappy right now, my clothes don't fit well, and I'm just uncomfortable, I want to start losing again. Last year was a HUGE roller coaster for me, and apparently I turn to food when I am sad, and when I'm happy. The first 6 months of last year were horrible, the worst of my life by a mile. The last 6 months, were pretty great, like a complete 180ยบ, and now I am in a really good place. Great new job with great co-workers, new apartment, new car, it really can't be much better. I'm trying to get a hold on things now. Maybe if I start talking about it again, people will hold me accountable.

I'm going to get a fill later this month, so I'm starting off by getting back on a low calorie diet. I'm pretty scared to be honest. My doctor scares me, the fact that I've gained weight scares me, and the fact that it's been so long since I've eaten properly for my band scares me. I'm looking at my old food logs and trying to get back to that. So far so good, even though it's been one meal haha, and I'm going to exercise after I type this. I bought the Extreme Makeover Weight Loss DVD, might do that, if anyone can motivate me it's hottie trainer Chris Powell haha. (BTW it's a great show, watch it when it comes back)

I'm looking to deal with the mental side of all of this, anyone have any suggestions? I'm kinda weary of doing a support group. I don't want to sit in a circle with 10 women talking about what I ate today, and how I was so tempted to eat those brownies, but I resisted!!  lol... Are there psychologists that deal with WLS, or dieting exclusively? Where would I even find that?

So to my bandsters that still read the blogs, how are you doing? 


Saturday, June 18, 2011

Questions and stuff

I saw this over at Lap Band Gal's Blog and figured I'd fill it out!

* What would you say is the most important lesson or lessons you've learned about eating since you've been banded, and how has this contributed to your weight loss?

That a LOT of foods are terrible for you, everything has calories, and almost all restaurant food has TONS of calories, and the servings are meant for 2, 3 or even 4 people. Pretty much never pretend anything is good for you, because it's probably not. Also band wise, less is more. As Lap Band girl said I can really eat whatever I want and a lot of it, but just don't... I'm still working on that.

* How are you sustaining your motivation to continue forward?

My motivation goes in and out ALL the time. Ultimately, I spent a lot of money on this surgery, I've spent a lot of money on every sort of diet, food delivery, trainers, and gym memberships, it's time to finish this once and for all. Also I have a lot of sick family right now, and that is reminding me that life is short, and it's important to be healthy. Food is just food.. it's not worth all the trouble it causes.

* If you've experienced any discouraging set back moments, how did you deal with them, how long did they take to pass-- and what sort of specific strategies might you suggest that could work?

All the time! The past month or so I've been stalled out. It's my own fault, my life is pretty stressful right now, so I'm turing to food.. about a week or so ago I just started kicking my ass again. You have to take things one day at a time. Don't beat yourself up if you cheat, or don't exercise one day. This is a journey, there is no expiration date.

* Have you ever worried about being a complete failure at the band, and then gotten over that worry-- if so: did you tell yourself certain things that helped or do certain activities that reassured you?

Not really.. I mean I worry I won't do as well as I hope. But I know 100% that it's all up to me and the decisions I make. This damn thing is gonna be in me forever, and I deal with the side effects of it whether I eat good or not, mind as well eat good.

* What is the proudest accomplishment you've made relative to your band journey thus far?

The weight I'm at now is my proudest, I haven't been this low in a long time. I also feel real accomplished that people notice! Even people I don't see that much, makes me feel good.

* What are you looking forward to doing next in your journey?

Right now hitting that 70lb goal, that will be the biggest amount of weight I've ever lost at one time I believe. I'm also looking forward to ONLY shopping in regular sizes. I'm getting close, but not quite yet. My giant ass still doesn't like regular size jeans LOL! (even though i'm a 16, IDEK)

* Where do you see yourself 1 year from now and how are you planning to get yourself there?

Hopefully at my goal and maintaining, I have 66lbs left to lose, till (what I currently want to be my goal), I should be able to do that in a year. I plan on eating less, exercising more, and having FAR less excuses for my behavior.

* What sort of goal setting do you do in general, and how do you motivate yourself to keep going towards those goals?

Well, I see every 10lbs as a goal, and wearing a new size as a goal, but I do have goals for events too, like my Idol goals, haha but now that Idol is over, I gotta create some new ones!! Maybe reward myself with something? Someone wanna reward me LOL?

* What is the most difficult thing about having the band and what makes it worth it anyway?

I guess knowing it doesn't do as much as I want it to. But as I said earlier, the damn this is THERE, it's not going away, mind as well work with it. I feel like the band works in so many strange ways, even ways it's not really supposed to haha.

* Given the choice, would you be too tight or too loose and why? How would you handle either situation if you couldn't get in to your doctor for 4 weeks?

Loose? I don't believe in restriction. The band doesn't stop you from eating, it controls your hunger. So why have it tight, and puking all the time? My hunger hormone or whatever is DEAD. It's gone RIP. So why would I need anymore fluid in my band? I think all it would do is make me start throwing up. I like bread, rice.. I like having the option of eating what I want. Yes it makes it a little harder, but then I'm not deprived. I have 5.5ccs in a 10cc band.

* What are your 3 to 5 'desert island band foods'-- things you WOULD NOT/ could not/ don't want to live without? What do you eat virtually every day and why?

Oatmeal!! I think I could live on only oatmeal if I had to LOL. Eggs, Lean Cuisines, Bagel thins

* How many meals do you generally eat per day and at what times?

3, whenever I wake up usually 9ish, 1230-1ish, 6ish. I don't really snack at all. If I do it's cause I want something.. not because I'm hungry, or if my meal will be really late.

* Do you exercise, and if so, about how much? Do you think exercise has been pivotal to your weight loss?

I've been walking about 45 minutes to 1 hour, around my neighborhood. I'm trying for 5 days a week. That is all I can commit to right now (only been a week, before that, nothing really.. maybe one day a week). I really just hate exercise. I hate being sweaty. I might step it up eventually (like, can someone hire me that hot trainer from Extreme Makeover? Then I'd work out ooh la la), when I'm smaller, but I really just don't enjoy it one bit. The walking I like, gives me time to think.

Sunday, June 5, 2011


So lots of fun and not so fun things in the past few weeks. First the American Idol finale was SO much fun. Loved seeing all my past Idol faves, and all the new contestants :). I got to meet my favorite Stefano too! Woohoo!! A bunch of my friends flew in to come to the finale, so I spent a few days playing tourist with them, went to Disneyland and stuff we had an great time! It's totally crazy to see someone's life go from normal, to super stardom. Congrats Scotty McCreery!

On the red carpet oooh la la! haha

Me and my buddy Tigger @ Disneyland!
Speaking of Idol, I totally had my first "stuck" experience ahaha. I was eating a sandwich after we had gotten our tickets (you wait inline all morning, then you can leave till show time). I was eating WAY too fast because I was missing all the cool stuff going on outside and I swallowed a chunk of bread, oh damn that doesn't feel good. It didn't come back up, but I could certainly feel it passing through for a few minutes. Also, I think that debunks the rumor that the food "sits" in the top of your pouch.. cause then why does it hurt IMMEDIATELY lol!

Besides that I moved back home about a week ago (goodbye Hollyweird!). Which is alright, since I'm still unemployed (ugh). The biggest adjustment is eating. My parents are trying to eat healthier.. but they aren't that serious about it (yea, I saw you eating fried chicken for dinner haha). It's very hard for me having all this other food in the house I wouldn't normally have! (and they eat out quite a bit) Literally at my apartment I had a can of oatmeal, some bagel thins and a few Lean Cuisines and that's it lol. Out of sight out of mind. I know I'm just making excuses for myself though...that is what being fat is, rationalizing eating crap ugh. I wish the band was built in willpower. Can I have a band around my mouth? LOL! Well, I told them today that I'm gonna eat my food and they can eat theirs, so it's easier for my portion control.

I lost 5lbs in April and 5lbs in May so I guess it's not THAT bad. 1lb a week yada yada yada. But I know I can be doing better! I revised my Idol goal to make it the Idol tour goal.. July 15th is my Idol tour show in LA... 14lbs I dunno if I can, but we can try :). My next goal is 2lbs so I can be the weight on my drivers license LMAO! Excitement.

Well, I think that's about all.. life is a bit crazy for me on the personal side, but I gotta do this. Gotta lose the damn weight! Something to stay positive about :)



Thursday, May 19, 2011

Clothing Giveaway

EDIT: gone :) thanks :)

YAY 55 lbs down! Well, I'm moving at the end of the month.. and since I've lost so much weight, I have a lot of newer clothes that don't fit (yay?), so figured I'd see if anyone wants them before I donate or toss them out. 

All are gently used, some only worn once or twice... All are sized 18/20, or a 2x.. and most are from Lane Bryant or from Macy's INC collection.

Striped shirt from INC size 2x, the rest 18/20 from Lane Bryant except the plain teal tank w/ lace on the bottom (Torrid) and the black and grey sequin tank (random plus size store)
 If you want something, comment and I can send it, maybe we can work out paying for shipping.

I'm donating it all Saturday if I don't hear from you.


Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Amazing article about how the Lap-band is NOT about restriction.

Somebody posted this on the Lap-band forums, it was written by a doctor, and I found it very interesting! This has actually always been my philosophy on the band (since I was banded). I never believed in the "sweet spot" or that one day I'd suddenly be able to just eat nothing and be really full. The hunger control makes much more sense. I wish the doctors would explain it to you like this, and how to work with your lack of hunger. I think everyone would be much more successful. OR it would stop some people from getting the band, if they understood how it really works. 

Lap-band Weight Loss Surgery is NOT About Restriction

In other news, not much going on here. I'm slacking on my diet, but I got back on track today and I started writing a food log again. So hopefully the scale will get moving again!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

50lbs down!!

So it's been 4 months (well 4 months tomorrow) since my surgery.. and I hit the 50lb mark today! My BMI went from 46 down to 38. So exciting! I don't know what else to say about my journey, but everything is going well, the diet is getting easier. No problems over here!

Here's a pic of me in my fat pants today, these are the pair I was wearing before surgery.

Fat Pants! These are my size 22's, I'm size 18 now.
So is everyone watching American Idol??! Since you know I love it haha. I went to two tapings recently. So much fun! I LOVE LOVE LOVE Stefano vote for him ;). Also I actually ran into Scotty and Lauren when I was having dinner at the Grove! Such nice kids :)

Scotty McCreery

Lauren Alaina

Well that's all for now! Just working towards my Idol goal, maybe I can hit it!! The weight loss has been pretty steady this week. hmm! Wish me luck!